Cool Girls™ - A Guide
The Cultural Manifesto - Volume 1, Issue 02
I consider myself many things. Cool is not often one of them. I sometimes feel cool after two glasses of wine when my eyeliner is even and my jeans are fitting just right. But regularly cool? No way.
I would consider myself a reader. I am snobby about Colleen Hoover’s “books,” am thorough with my Goodreads account, and created a Wattpad account as a teenager - the holy trinity of being a book lover. Annoyed by my current read (A Visit From the Goon Squad) I picked up the golden child of 2013 Tumblr literature, It by Alexa Chung. Alexa Chung, for those who sadly do not know, is the totem of the Tumblr era, and my forever idol. Model, TV presenter, fashion designer, British Vogue contributor, and muse of Alex Turner - she IS the vision.
Not to be confused with the pervy clown book, It is miscellaneous thoughts and feelings from Tumblr’s Sweetheart herself. It’s not much of a novel to begin with - it’s primarily pictures accompanied by a paragraph or two - but this book will remain in my permanent collection simply because Alexa Chung is so cool. Everything about her oozes It Girl™.
My friend Abby (you can read her Substack here) and I recently had an in-depth conversation over some cosmos on what it even means to "be cool” anymore. Can you be truly cool if you document all of your coolness online? Wasn’t part of being cool not knowing you’re cool? Or at least pretending like you didn’t know? Can your outfit ever be cool if you had to prop up your phone, start the timer, run to the other side of your bedroom, and then pose? Or is it unfair to reference the pre-social media era because now oversharing on the internet is the norm and a stand-alone outfit picture makes you mysterious?
Gone Girl taught us that the idea that men’s idea of a “cool girl” is all an act. The whole “cool one of the guys” act got sniped when the term “pick me” was coined. But Alexa Chung isn’t a Nick Dunne fantasy cool girl, she’s a tried and true It Girl™. Half of Arctic Monkeys’ discography is about her for God’s sake!!
Abby and I never found our answer because our bartender was a very generous pourer and we struck up a conversation with a group of older gay men who had just come from a performance of Mamma Mia! and let me tell you, Donna was soo tone-deaf.
While Abby and I never cracked the code, I have tried to connect the dots on the best aspect of a cool girl. Through all my time spent TV watching (since birth), city living (three years), Pinterest scrolling (approx. 6 years), and European living (five months) I have gathered the following characteristics of a Certified Cool Girl™:
Having a Hobby that isn’t Digital Media Consumption - Social media has overtaken everything so if it ever disappears, a Cool Girl™ would have other hobbies. Examples include reading, writing, going on walks, daydreaming, arts and crafts, seducing a world leader’s son, actually fixing said son like you said you could, volunteering, or playing a sport - tennis is very in right now.
Knowing How to Be on Aux - I have yet to learn the delicate art of playing just the right music. But I do know that if the entire car hates Lin Manuel Miranda, you do not play the Hamilton soundtrack. Even if the car does like Lin Manuel Miranda, do not play the Hamilton soundtrack. While this seems like common sense, it seems that sense is no longer common. A Cool Girl™ should have a playlist for every occasion with a steady mix of oldies, pop faves, and respected deep cuts.
Befriend a Bartender - The show Cheers’ theme song says it all: “You wanna be where everybody knows your name.” Bartenders see it ALL. The good; the bad, and the ugly. By befriending a bartender, it is proven that you are a tasteful and engaging social drinker. Additionally, it builds community and gives you the privilege of being the friend who “knows a spot.”
Have a Soapbox to Stand On - This does not have to be political, but any Cool Girl™ has a topic that she can discuss at length because she has a large amount of knowledge on it. Some soapboxes I heard recently were how fangirls keep the industry alive, pickleball is trending because tennis is too expensive, and TikTok irrevocably ruined the music industry and our standard for a chart-topper. My current soapbox is about how BookTok is ruining the perception of healthy relationships and creating porn addictions - a topic that will most certainly not be published here.
Appreciate Pervious decade’s music - Cool Girls™, at a minimum, listen to 70s rock, 80s alternative, and 90s R&B. Simple as that.
Understanding House Parties - The guests at one host’s party will probably be the hosts of the next party in your circle of invitees, so it’s crucial to “take a turn about the room” and speak to all the reoccurring characters in your life. It’s also important to know when to arrive and leave. Don’t get there too early, and don’t stay too late or leave too early. It’s a delicate art.
Have A Signature Drink - This doesn’t have to be alcohol even! It’s just important to have something in your back pocket whenever you’re asked while out of the house. At bars I go with a Cosmopolitan or a Whiskey Ginger, my non-alcoholic order is an Arnold Palmer, heavy on the lemonade.
Know What The Bling Ring Is, and Understand Their Tempation - While I may not like Sofia Coppola and A24’s 2013 movie, The Bling Ring, I know how iconic the whole scenario is. I also totally get why they did it and might have been tempted to join them if I was in their circle with that lifestyle.
Be Media Literate - This one is quite easy, it’s simply understanding context, intended messages, and the creator’s motivation. It is 2024 I will not be explaining that The Wolf of Wall Street isn’t a motivational movie telling young men to invest to anyone anymore.
Being Confident - DUH!
Now just because you may have all of these nailed down doesn’t mean you’re cool, and you can still be cool without having all nine aspects. If Alexa Chung has taught me anything, it’s that you can’t force being an icon.
And what’s super cool? Not breaking the idea of coolness down on a blog with less than twenty subscribers.
xoxo + ttyl,
Allison
I’m an MLA Bitch so I ALWAYS cite my sources. See the following cool girls in order:
Charli XCX, Lucy Liu, Bella Hadid, Alex Consani, Iman, Kermit (honorary Cool Girl™), Debbie Harry aka Blondie, Alexa Demie (better pics exist this one is just my fave), FKA Twigs, and Rachel Sennott.
I forgot to tell you that I did eventually find the answer...you. like you are so cool dude.